Breast cancer victim

I deem this woman a victim because that's how she feels - victimized, as are other people afflicted by cancer and other diseases for that matter.
Tonight I am preparing to photograph her as the sensual woman that she sees herself to be. The weight of this disease is bearing down upon her. She is tired and is not feeling very beautiful today. She carries on all her tasks at work but her lumps are forever on her mind seeping into the core of her being and inflicting pain.

My heart goes out to this otherwise stranger who will bear her body, heart and soul in an attempt to tell her story through the images we capture of her. She will stand before me naked.

Jene & I have taken on the burden of photo documenting what she is going through. I hope we can do her story justice. Portraying both her fragility and her strengths in an artful and sensitive manner. I find myself losing sleep over this, tossing my own feelings into the mix. Thinking "but for the grace of God, go I". This disease strikes so many lovely women, could happen to 1 out of 7 women even without a heredity risk factor. What causes it? What can we do, if anything, to prevent it and how do we cope if it befalls us. So much research is being done and yet there doesn't seem to be enough to prevent it. The link is from a recent article in the NY Times.

In a couple of hours, we will meet for the second time, just the 2 of us. I admire her tenacity and openness about what she is going through...

Carmen arrived later than I had hoped. We had a glass of wine and talked about all topics concerning women - from molestation to rape to abortion and I am outraged that others want to take a woman's choice away and turn back the hands of time to when back rooms and coat hangers were the means of terminating an unwanted pregnancy, instead of a doctor's skill and sterile environment. (My personal opinion).

Back to the subject - Carmen and her cancer, her feelings of abandonment, growing up without her father's involvement. Her choice of boyfriends, her marriage and lovers afterward.









Support comes in droves from family, friends and new acquaintances. Well wishes pumped into her like fresh air but she still feels that she is suffocating from what is riddling her body.

Every night, breaking down, focusing on her fears. Every morning waking to face them again and finding enough strength to get her through the day. Not knowing what to say, most tell her not to worry, everything will turn out fine. It's not FINE she inwardly screams. Something inside is trying to kill her. She admits cancer treatments and their prognosis have improved vastly over the years, BUT it doesn't make it any easier to go through when it's you. For a control freak, this is maddening she doesn't have control of her own body. She wants answers and no one can give her those NOW. She knows that she has 2 lumps in one breast and one in the other.
She had a lump in her breast 4 years ago and it was benign. What changed? How did it go from benign to malignant? (These are my questions and probably hers also).

I can't even pretend to know what she is going through. Friday night Jene and I will meet some of her family and friends to learn more about who Carmen is and where she musters up the strength she needs to continue her fight for survival.